Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
