there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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