The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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