Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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