I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
