By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
