I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
