anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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