I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
