Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
