How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
