why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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