We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
