So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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