My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just googled if crying burns calories
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
