What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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