You're so nebulous sometimes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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