There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
