gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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