Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Too much gin, very little bucket
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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