Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
