i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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