I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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