so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
