Where did you get a picture of my penis
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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