somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
