when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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