I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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