Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
