Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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