your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
