I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
