so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
