Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
