Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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