so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
