this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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