either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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