Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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