I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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