filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
