Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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