This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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