I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
