My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
