He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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