My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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