and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
