Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
