so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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