Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
