remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
