these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
