so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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