So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
