Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
