just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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