Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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