i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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