I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ok first of all what the fuck
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
