took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
