honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
