..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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