I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
