90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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