Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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