Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
