just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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