I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
