Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
