im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
