"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
