i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
