If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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