My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
