Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
