My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
