Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
