uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
